I had to be told last night to “not give up on her”. Those words put me in a different perspective to make me realize why I am really here and what my position is being here. Watching Stefanie struggle around the 2 laps on the track was painful. Not that watching her was hurting me but watching her face in agony and defeat was painful to see. I wanted to give her a boost or drag her around the track, anything just to finish but instead I found myself sitting back and just getting frustrated because I had no control over the situation. As many times as I said, “let’s go. Finish!” she made an excuse of why she should stop and as many times as I said “lets go, only 2 more laps” she tried to make a deal to shorten the distant. It was a loosing battle and all I kept thinking is, does she really want this!? I began to believe I wanted this a lot more and maybe because I wanted to see her happy or maybe because I got so caught up in this 90 day challenge, I couldn’t give up now and let it all go to waste watching what should have been a “run”. I knew when she started giving up, I couldn’t and as much as I would have loved to “teach her a lesson” and tell her if she’s not going to push herself then call me when she’s ready and walked out, I stayed. I stayed because I know deep down inside she does really want this. I stayed because she needs me to motivate her, even though yesterday I failed. I stayed because she needs to realize how important this is for her and how regardless of how hard it may get, I will still push her because we are in this together. Well I can go on forever but as far as the rest of the workout, it went well. She pushed herself and I think because she proved it to herself that she can run 5 laps and it will be painful, and it will SUCK (no better words to describe it) but it will definitely be worth it. Well Stefanie gave her side of the story so I had to give mine. I posted it on both blogs for those of you that don’t read mine!
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Today I went back to physical therapy after being away for about two weeks. The workouts seemed extremely easy and maybe I forgot to do some but I was only there for about 45 minutes. It seems like it is more beneficial to work out on my own so I will start doing that more often.
My knee seems to be proving itself more and more by the amount of weight and exercises it is capable of doing. I went whitewater rafting and my knee held up fine until I decided to nose dive into another boat, which then my knee bent more then usual and that was painful. It only being a few seconds in that position when my boyfriend claimed his and lifted me like a loaf of bread and set me back in our boat, and the pain had subsided. The escape plan failed but all in all that was a success and loads of fun! The next adventure will be a hike this saturday and then next month hopefully a camping trip! The muscle is rebuilding and the pain is becoming less. I am getting back in shape to keep up with my students and race them up the stairs :) and yes I always want to win! I know it has been a while. I don't want to brag or anything, but I've been quite busy myself... Last week I a drive to North Carolina to see the Poetry Slam Finals, Nuyorican did not win first place but they did come out fighting with moving words and a hell of a performance! It was a great experience and it was well worth the 10 hour drive each way. We drive 10 hours, watch poetry for 9 hours, slept 2 nights and come back for another 10 hour trip and it was incredible!
It is unbelievable how simple words can be changed, distorted, compared to and then, change your entire thought process all in 3 minutes and 10 seconds (the time each poet has to perform without a time penalty). With 20 hours in a car there is not much left to do but think about my clients and their workouts...well that is after I thought about- how many cars are rushing to the hospital because their wife is about to give birth? or how many people just shoved a person in their trunk and are driving next to us? or what does 'a million people' in a group look like? or how can I become more successful because teaching really isn't cutting it?, the list continues, remember I had 20 hours and I wasn't sleeping much. Well back to my first thought, my clients, oh and Stefanie, she has been working with the same routine for about 2 weeks now...the muscles and her body is starting to get use to these workouts. She is doing well, the weight is coming off, her life is changing, others are seeing the difference, she is feeling great so why should we stop now?! TIME FOR A CHANGE! I can not let the muscles get use to the workouts because then we won't see a change, we need the heart rate to increase, we need her diet precise and we need to move muscles and body parts she never knew she had! So now we start again, a new week of workouts beginning on August 20th and they are going to be fun!! Stefanie I am sorry but it has to be done, I want to give you all a visual of how I think Stefanie's face is going to look as she reads this blog... She updated the blog on her phone and quickly saw Stacy had posted something new. Without much hesitation she began reading the blog. Her eyes quickly glanced down to some of the bold letters that quickly blurred. It seemed like she was looking down into a bag of shapes and all that stood out were the letters of her name, her forehead wrinkled into panic as her fingers scrolled up and down trying to shake the giant blur. Finally eligible words showed through and with the rope in her stomach slowly tying its own knot she took a deep breathe, I can do this, I want to see change, I have goals I have to accomplish, I have to prove this to myself, why would she change this when I was just getting good at it wtf!?!? (haha I can definitely picture her saying that last one!) With a few buttons pressed on her phone, a message was being sent to Stacy- Is this real?! When will it start?? YUP STEFANIE IT IS ALL REAL AND WE WILL START AUGUST 20TH INCASE YOU MISSED THAT PART AS YOU STARTED PANICKING...AND GUESS WHAT!?! YOU'RE GOING TO DO GREAT, YOU'RE GOING TO SEE CHANGE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A GREAT TIME AND I WILL GET OUT OF YOUR BRAIN NOW! - On my way back from my 3-month follow up appointment with my orthopedic. It took an hour to get to Madison Ave for about a ten minute visit but well worth the travels.
I have been doing physical therapy 3 times a week and he is now allowing me to go 1-2 times a week but I just have to make sure I get to the gym. The gym being my outlet on bad days, the light at the end of the tunnel and the place I can really unwind, I am NOT complaining, I'll be there as much as I have to. I have been given the clearance to jog which is great news! I can also go back to squatting, lunging, anything to build up the muscle in my leg...so that is my new goal until work starts back in September. I want to be able to play during recess with my students, climb on desks, and run around the class for absolutely no reason but simply because I can! I must admit, the first two weeks after surgery were horrific but the weeks following those have not been all that bad. It has had its up and downs like anything would but overall it was an eye opener to see how I can overcome obstacles. Coming from a low point of hopelessness and misery I was able to climb up and find happiness in my surroundings and the people that have filled my life whether for a minute or a lifetime. They have affected me and helped me get through this which I am grateful for. I will continue to push and heal and become stronger but within time there will be change. I won't let myself down. A body is sculpted without our say, but what it contains is created by ourselves and the only way to have all the pieces of the puzzle fit together is if we carefully construct a person that regardless of the situation, we will refuse to change because that's the person we love being. It is time for me to start putting my puzzle together. Well last night I ended up getting locked outside the house and spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable car. I did not realize the front door would lock behind me and so that ended up being my night of stiff necks and sleeping limbs.
Stupid story... but I shared it to show that nothing in life goes smoothly even when it comes down to my night, as ridiculous as it sounds these mishaps we face constantly. We will come across obstacles, challenges, mishaps that we would much rather not face and some of us may overcome them with support and guidance from others, others may plummet themselves into the ground with the feeling that it is impossible. It is natural to handle situations differently but there comes a point when obstacles are stepping stones, fears are challenges and mishaps are the man aboves way of trying to get a good laugh, watching how you surpass them. (But believe what you want) Don't allow your fears to prevent you from trying, don't allow obstacles to prevent you from climbing over them and don't allow yourself to fall into a routine without being able to adjust to life's changes. On that note: Stefanie this is for you...today I told Stefanie that after this week of workouts she will be doing one week alone, without me being a pain in her ass. Right away she panicked. I am trying to show her that she is her own obstacle, success, failure, support, motivation, dedication...she has it in herself. I can say all I want and try to push her down the stairs as many times as I can so she can run back up but the only reason she is coming back up is because she wants this way more then anyone else. No one may understand her drive, her motivation, her determination but she has it in her to keep going and when I no longer train her, I want the thought in my mind to be, she'll be fine and I want her to see for herself that she can and will maintain the weight she has lost and will continue to push even if the rest of the world feels she can't. STEFANIE The other day I was told I can bike ride but nothing crazy...well of course I had to try it...why today?...because I can!! Well I ended up riding over the Brooklyn Bridge with my brother. It was tough not so much on my knee but because I'm out of shape!! I realized it has been 2 months since my surgery and I'm already bike riding. Thought this day would never come!! The road to recovery is SWEET!!
For the last 3 months since I was injured, I had not worked out at all. I have been doing a little more in the past week and pushing myself but not to the extent that I would consider it "working out". Yesterday I was given a new program in Physical Therapy and today I had to do it as well and it was extremely difficult. The weight felt really heavy, the reps felt endless and my heart rate sky rocketed. It sure is an eyeopener of how a few months can have such a huge setback.
This is also a challenge for me and I refuse to give up! I will push myself, not complain or lower the weight and get through each and every time. I anticipated this point in my road to recovery and now I am finally here, can't start complaining at this point! Today was great in physical therapy. I finally received a bunch of new workouts and best of all I was able to run backwards on the treadmill! I haven't done much since I was injured in May and that 8 minutes took my breath away but it was a great feeling. It was finally a sense of control, a sense of freedom. My body finally having the ability to go back into its old routine. I am looking forward to continuing this new routine.
I was also told I am able to bike ride so I am eager to get out there an try that. I am thinking about renting a bike near the beach and just riding...this feeling is amaing!! |